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Life doesn’t happen to us, it happens for us

A few weeks ago I shared a post about selling out my last watercolour workshops for the year, a whole six weeks before the event. I was surprised and excited, but it took a damn good reiki session to uncover a few ugly and subconscious traits that have held me back for a long while – since my teenage years in fact.

Leading up to these last workshops, I was procrastinating about whether I’d even do them. Who would come? Surely, after 4 workshops prior, there were no other people who’d be interested. If I didn’t bother with them I could say I ended on a high. I could retreat into my comfort zone and all would be well. Wouldn’t it?

Well not really, because I’m an over thinker. And I got over-thinking about why I was procrastinating and why I was assuming that no one would come (thank you reiki). And it stems back to high school where I had my confidence sucked from me for the best part of four years by people that can only be described as bullies. Wow – that is the first time I’ve ever made that statement – 23 years later!

This post is certainly not about naming and shaming. I suspect that those who were responsible for the bullying don’t follow me. If they do, I don’t wholeheartedly forgive them (yet) but I want them to know this.

Life doesn’t happen to us, it happens for us.

Those formative years of finding my feet as an adolescent were incredibly hard. My transition to high school was rocky. I desperately wanted to be liked by everyone (a Libran trait), and because of that, I made a conscious decision to fly under the radar, to dull my light so I didn’t attract attention and wouldn’t be the target. Parts of those conscious choices as a teenager have followed me into my adult life.

I’m not holding a pity party over here – in fact it’s far from it. I’m thankful for the journey and all the lessons that came with it. I’m thankful because those years shaped my compassion and kindness, and a strong resolve to stand up for the weak, cheer for the underdog and make people feel included. Those hard years didn’t happen to me, they happened for me.

I share this with you so that perhaps you can delve into the ‘why’ of some of your behaviours and self-limiting beliefs. It’s not until we see them for what they truly are that we can choose to act differently and make better choices for ourselves.

Just to finish, I’ve been wondering how my experiences and thoughts (often deep I know – not sorry) connect to my ‘artist’ account. If you want to see pretty paintings then scroll by. If you want a bit of shared wisdom then read on. If it’s confusing and you don’t connect, unfollow. I won’t be offended at all. After all, art has no rules. x